grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
