He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
