I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
