the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
