you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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