Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
