My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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