Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
