somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
