my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
