I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
