Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
