when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she told me i tasted like america
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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