Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
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I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
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The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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