I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
