So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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