i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
