your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
