i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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