is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
