Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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