very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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