U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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