WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
