i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
