They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
