She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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