She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
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I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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