you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Who died my cat blue again?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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