I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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