do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
