Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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