is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
