i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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