I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
