bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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