who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
