Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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