Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
