this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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