I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she peed on how many people?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
