Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
