I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
