Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
