So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
3pm strippers are depressing
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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