I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
pray to the hookup gods
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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