I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
