I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
