dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
