I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
