right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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