apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
