i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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