Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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