I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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