so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
