I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
