I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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