I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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