I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
