I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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