Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
