the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
