Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
