He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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