Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
