it wasn't lemon gatorade
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
