I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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