pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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