i don't like sucking hair
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
