At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
