i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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