Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
