i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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