So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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