Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
