HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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